The Happy Cat Rating System for Cat Lovers and the Faint of Heart

John Joseph Adams | March 4th 2010 at 5:04 am

It has come to our attention that some reviewers have asserted that, in Ellen Datlow’s anthology Tails of Wonder and Imagination, "you’ll find cats being burned alive, skinned, tortured by evil scientists, strangled by psychos, and murdered in at least a dozen horrific ways." We at Night Shade wanted to assure our readers that relatively very few cats were harmed in the making of this anthology.

In order to reassure cat lovers who are fearful of accidentally coming across a tale of a cat being harmed, we have created this handy little guide:

  • 5 Happy Cats = No cat harmed whatsoever
  • 4 Happy Cats = A cat gets roughed up
  • 3 Happy Cats = A cat dies on-stage
  • 2 Happy Cats = A cat dies off-stage
  • 1 Happy Cat = A cat is tortured (the happy one is the one not being tortured)

 


Through the Looking Glass (excerpt)
by Lewis Carroll

5 Happy Cats 

5 Happy Cats

No Heaven Will Not Ever Heaven Be…
by A. R. Morlan

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

The Price
by Neil Gaiman

4 Happy Cats

4 Happy Cats

Dark Eyes, Faith, and Devotion
by Charles de Lint

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Not Waving
by Michael Marshall Smith

2 Happy Cats

2 Happy Cats

Catch
by Ray Vukcevich

3 Happy Cats

3 Happy Cats

The Manticore Spell
by Jeffrey Ford

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Catskin
by Kelly Link

3 Happy Cats

3 Happy Cats

Mieze Corrects an Incomplete
Representation of Reality
by Michaela Roessner

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Guardians
by George R. R. Martin

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Life Regarded as a Jigsaw Puzzle
of Highly Lustrous Cats
by Michael Bishop

1 Happy Cat

1 Happy Cat

Gordon, the Self-Made Cat
by Peter S. Beagle

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

The Jaguar Hunter
by Lucius Shepard

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Arthur’s Lion
by Tanith Lee

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Pride
by Mary A. Turzillo

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

The Burglar Takes a Cat
by Lawrence Block

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

The White Cat
by Joyce Carol Oates

3 Happy Cats

3 Happy Cats

Returns
by Jack Ketchum

2 Happy Cats

2 Happy Cats

Puss-Cat
by Reggie Oliver

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Cat in Glass
by Nancy Etchemendy

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Coyote Peyote
by Carole Nelson Douglas

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

The Poet and the Inkmaker’s Daughter
by Elizabeth Hand

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

The Night of the Tiger
by Stephen King

2 Happy Cats

2 Happy Cats

Every Angel is Terrifying
by John Kessel

3 Happy Cats

3 Happy Cats

Candia
by Graham Joyce

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Mbo
by Nicholas Royle

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Bean Bag Cats®
by Edward Bryant

4 Happy Cats

4 Happy Cats

Antiquities
by John Crowley

3 Happy Cats

3 Happy Cats

The Manticore’s Tale
by Catherynne M. Valente

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

In Carnation
by Nancy Springer

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Old Foss is the Name of His Cat
by David Sandner

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

A Safe Place to Be
by Carol Emshwiller

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Nine Lives to Live
by Sharyn McCrumb

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Tiger Kill
by Kaaron Warren

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Something Better than Death
by Lucy Sussex

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Dominion
by Christine Lucas

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

Tiger in the Snow
by Daniel Wynn Barber

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

The Dweller in High Places
by Susanna Clarke

5 Happy Cats

5 Happy Cats

The Puma
by Theodora Goss

1 Happy Cat

1 Happy Cat

Healing Benjamin
by Dennis Danvers

3 Happy Cats  

3 Happy Cats

Look at all those Happy Cats! We hope this puts our cat-loving fans’ minds at ease.

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